Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
