You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Farmville is her only friend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
