I wanna bring you to show and tell
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
