Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
