you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
