Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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