I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize