remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
