i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
