the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
