I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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