I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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