She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize