1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
