Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Semen is not good for contacts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize