I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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