i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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