Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
