Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
