Four minutes until I can fart!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
