areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
