i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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