I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
