Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
