I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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