My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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