i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
