god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
