Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
