My cat gives me a boner
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
