sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize