I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
