there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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