dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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