I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Rumble strips road head = magical
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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