butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
