I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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