is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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