Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
