Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
