onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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