You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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