so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
two words...techno handjob
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize