between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
