Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You're like the curious george of whores
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
