you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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