Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
