Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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