I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
