I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
