My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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