If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
