Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
