you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
