I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
