btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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