He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
