I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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