she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
