if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize