When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
