never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize