the day after is always just damage control
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
