I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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