just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
