Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
