At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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