We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
