Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
