a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
