.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
