I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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