Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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