the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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