And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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