Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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