Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
