I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
