Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
