Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
