You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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