Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
