Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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